at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
