I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
