Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
