Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
