I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
