Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
