i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
