some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
