just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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