you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
