My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
