Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
