I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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