that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
