I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
