shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
