just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
