The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
