he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
