I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
