Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
