I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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