I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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