I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
