But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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