It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
