Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
