Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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