We're facebook friends in real life
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
