Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
