i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
