I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
