i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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