I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
