Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
