i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
