She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
