im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
