No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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