i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My breasts were aching with rage.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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