I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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