Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
