Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
