it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
