I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
