My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
