There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
