please come you make the beer taste better
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
