In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
