i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
