Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
