We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
